This brain goes into an almost vegetative state when you, or my memories of you swarm up my mind. This is when you can see me wandering aimlessly through the night, or tuning to an excessive repeat of overly depressed songs. No, I do not blame you nor them, and only myself, who let this exhausted soul to walk beyond what people call, “my priorities”, to set foot on something called, “love”.
It cannot be true that I know you, let alone truly love you while the one in my mind is the past you. Maybe I only love the you in my delusional mind. No present can bring us together but keep us apart from each other. And it leaves me hanging here, grievously regretting that moment, that stupid boy who thought he had learned to love.
Many will say it is okay to make mistakes in loving someone, it is so that you learn to appreciate the love you have, but I’d rather give this precious heart just to stop and reverse time and make things right again for us. Cause this heart would rather stop loving than having to live carrying a scar so deep that no one but you could heal it.
O Great Ape Man, will you forgive me and let me crown you with majestic skies? Or shall I be condemned in this vicious spiral of regrets and hatred of my ownself, and prepare for an eternity of solitude?
When will you ever realize that this is all not cool? After all this time you‘re still a fool.
And I‘m a fool too…
…cause I love you
P.S. The italicized are lyrics from the song, ‘There You Go Again, Mas’, written and composed by my good friends, Freddy and Jason Limanjaya, in ICN2014: Angkara A Musical.
For more heartfelt songs, be sure to book your ticket for ICN2016: Nirwata A Musical here