I may be no different than the ‘other me’..
He and I suffered from being away from our loved ones, being afraid of rejection. We can not even imagine the pain we have to endure from the rejection. Yet the world goes around with its routine as per normal. Leaving us, which in turn, can do nothing. We are helpless, yes.
So, we seek something to give a ‘formal’ definition to our life. We ‘craft’ and ‘forge’ things to our life to keep our mind and soul attached to this world. Some people might say that we are crazy, anti-social, etc. But this is our way of living, our way of struggling through this constantly changing world.
There are times when this way of living presses us harder from every direction. People around us, our friends, colleagues, strangers, and even our loved ones can not keep up with us. They approach us, some giving good advices, some trying to cheer us up. We do appreciate them. It’s just that we live our life this way.
We hold onto things that are part of our memories from the past. We eat them, sleep with them, keep them running inside our head, just to keep us alive. The ‘other me’, for instance, keep doing it for the sake of reminiscing the moment with his loved one he once had in his childhood. He is looking for the best ‘creation’ he can ever make, hoping his name will be heard by his loved one.
For me, it’s rather different. Food and music relieve me. I eat food that enables me to generates the feeling I missed. With every bite, every piece of food that gets inside my throat, I sense a bit of that feeling. The same goes for music. Replaying the same song from the same singer just to reenact the situation I am dreaming in my sleep.
As pathetic and miserable as it sounds, we will get live our way. Do we crave for a change? We don’t know.
Deep inside, a chamber shrouded in thick fog hold our true feeling. A forgotten feeling.